MOVED MY BLOG!

Sorry it has been so long! I have decided to create a new blog, you can find it HERE.

Drop by, check it out and say hello!

Short and sweet blog entry!

The onesie says it all!

My boys! The best picture in the whole world!

Chaz here!

Good evening blog readers. It is almost my bedtime so I will have to make it quick, I just wanted to let everyone know we are still here! Me, mommy, daddy and Turbo have been having a busy few months and have not been able to blog but we miss everyone and are working on getting back to regular blogging.

Mommy now has internet at home and is hoping that that will make it easier!

It's dinner time then I am off for a bath and a good story.... isn't that the life? I leave you with this.....

RRRAAAWWWRRRRRR!

Our baby is 3 months old!

As of yesterday that is.

He is officially a double digit baby weighing just over 10lbs. It's hard to believe he has come this far after being born a tiny 4lb9oz!

In just the last few weeks has rounded a total corner. He has discovered his hands and insists on putting them in his mouth every chance he gets and he will 'talk' your ear off if you let him.

Brett and I (as well as the rest of the family) get so much joy out of this tiny little person it is amazing. Just hearing his name puts the biggest smile on my face.

Here is my big boy yesterday. Yay for being 3 months old!

He looks like a little man! Haha.

These are from this morning when he woke up from his sleep over with Granny! Can you tell he likes his bumbo!?

My Birth Story.

I know, finally right?! It may be late but here it is.

Well lets start out with Friday February 6th.

I was having a "needy" day for some reason so Brett agreed that we would go home, make dinner and spend the rest of the evening just laying in bed together like we use to. No TV, no Playstation, nothing but good old quality time with each other. We talked about everything under the sun, we joked and laughed, we really just enjoyed being alone (we figured we wont get a lot of that once the baby came).

Around 1am I figured I should get some sleep, we had a busy weekend ahead of us. We had our birthing class and hospital tour the following morning at 9am and then my maternity photo shoot on Sunday.

I woke up to the worst cramping feeling EVER at about 5:30am. This may be a bit TMI but it was the kind of feeling you get when you really need to poop but times 100! So I stumbled to restroom and sat with NOTHING for a good 10 minutes (another TMI) meanwhile the cramping was still there as well as the worst back pain I have ever experienced in my whole life. After not being able to have a successful poop I pulled my pjs back on and sat on the end of the tub hoping that it would all pass. I decided to grab one of my MANY pregnancy books and keep myself entertained because I knew there was no way I could go back to sleep until this pain went away. I read everything I could find on contractions and early labor. I couldn't decide if I was psyching myself out or I was actually experiencing contractions. The more I read the stronger and more frequent the cramps seemed to get. I didn't have a way to time the cramps so I would just count in my head, they would last for about a minute and the dissipate for a couple of minutes. It eventually got to the point where I could not breath and was literally on my hands and knees on the bathroom floor in tears.

I finally came out of denial and figured that something was going on other than I just needed to poo, I just wasn't sure what so I decided to call my Dr. (thank god for her emergency line). I honestly don't think my Dr. even comprehended who she was talking to as she calmly told me that I could go to Labor and Delivery and get checked or if I could tolerate it she would recommend me staying home because if I am not progressing they will most likely send me home. There is no way Kathy would have told me this if she had realized who she was talking to and that I was only 34weeks along.... at least I hope not.

At this point I figured I should wake Brett up. I think back now and I should have gone about this part waaaay different. I am seriously surprised I didn't give him a heart attack. It was pitch black in our room as I shook his shoulder, it took a couple shakes until I finally got any sort of response out of him. Just the sound of his sleepy voice sent me over the edge and I broke down to a full out cry as I not so calmly at all sobbed "I think we need to go to the hospital!" I have never seen Brett move so fast in his life. He practically jumped out of bed as I explained what the last 30minutes had consisted of. We quickly got dressed, brushed our teeth and put Turbo into his kennel.

Brett did such a good job of attempting to calm me down. Did it work? No. But he put a whole lot of effort into it and I am glad he was calm because I sure in the hell wasn't. As we drove the drive that seemed to last 3 hours when actually it was only about 10 minutes, the contractions got significantly worse. I was kicking the floor of the car, screaming profanities and arching my back exorcist style. Dramatic right?! Would you expect anything less of me? Haha Brett was still doing such a good job at calming me down. He would calmly rub my leg and say "just breath babe" and I would respond with "I CAAAANNNN'T, SHIT!!!" The funniest part was that when I was not having a contraction I would be just fine, crackin' jokes and being my usual wacky self but OH BOY the second one hit it was like night and day and I was ready to do some serious damage to anyone or anything that got in my way. I would be something along the lines of .... 'Hey at least we will already be at the hospital for the birthing cla.....OH SHIIIIT, DRIVE FASTER NOOOOOOOOW!'

We finally made it to labor and delivery around 6:30, where my mom met us as I checked in. In all honesty I wanted to reach over the counter and choke the nurse at the check-in as she looked at me thinking I was over exaggerating and that I was probably just experiencing braxton hicks. They took their sweet time getting a room ready as I paced back and forth in the waiting room.

FINALLY, a room was ready. I was asked to undress and give a urine sample. I don't know if it was the nerves but I could not for the life of me give a urine sample. I was told that was fine and they would just get one a little later (ha little did we know Chaz had different plans for later). I was hooked up to the monitors and right away felt great as I heard our little mans heart beating away. The nurse said that I was definitely experiencing contractions (no shit?) and that I would be receiving a shot to stop the contractions and sent home to rest. Before I could receive the shot my cervix was to be checked, now keep in mind 2 days prior at my regular appointment I was not progressing at all and everything looked just as it should at 34 weeks. I will never forget the look on the nurses face and the words that came out of her mouth as she checked me. "Wow, you are dilated to a 5...... Rachel, you are having this baby today!"

This is the point at which I came completely undone. I burst into tears repeating "No, it's too early, he isn't ready." I was immediately wheeled to a delivery room as I prayed to God not to let me lose another baby. The nurse explained to Brett and I that the chances of a baby surviving at 34 weeks is GREAT and although he may need to spend some time in the NICU he should do wonderful.

Once I had embraced the fact that my son was coming whether I liked it or not I was able to calm down a bit and breath through the contractions until I received my epidural. My epidural was placed around 9:15am and I was in pure heaven at that point. I was checked again and was dilated to a 7. I was told that due to the fact that our little guy would need to go directly to the NICU I would be delivering in the operating room. I had always imagined both my mom and Brett being by my side during the delivery but was told that only one person can be in the operating room with me. We did however convince them to let my mom wait behind a window just outside of the operating room.

I honestly don't remember being nervous as the wheeled me to the OR. I had complete trust in Dr. and her staff. I did explain to Kathy though that I had no idea what to do or expect since I wasn't able to attend my class at 9, LOL. We did a couple quick practice pushes and then it was time for the real thing. I was so glad I had Brett at my side because for some reason or another he was the only voice I could hear. I was focused completely on Brett and was depending on him to get me through this. Kathy performed a small episiotomy to avoid applying too much pressure to Chazs head. Right as I was crowning I was told to push with everything I had and with that one big push out came my little boy. Chaz Christopher was born at 10:01 am on February 7, 2009 4lbs 9oz. His tiny little body was placed on my chest while Brett cut the cord and with that he was whisked away to the NICU. I was in such amazement and could not believe my son was here already. I squeezed Bretts hand as hard and I could as we both smiled from ear to ear crying tears of joy.

After I delivered the placenta and received my stitches I was wheeled back to the delivery room where ALL of my family waited. Of course everyone was in shock at how fast it had all happened, as were Brett and I. The room exploded in conversation but in the craziness of it all I tuned everyone out and longed to holding my little boy. I couldn't even remember what he looked like. It had all happened so fast. I wanted to see my baby dammit. I was told that as soon as I had the feeling back in my legs I would be able to go the NICU to see my little man.

I knew my little boy was a champ when the nurse told me that he was doing great and that he was needing no assistance in breathing or eating! :)

The time it took for my epidural to wear off seemed like a lifetime. I couldn't take it anymore and told the nurse that my legs were feeling fine (I lied) and I was ready to see my baby. Brett and I were taken to the NICU and I cannot even begin to explain what I felt when I laid my eyes on my little miracle. I have never felt so much joy or love in my whole life. I honestly fell in love with Brett all over again as I watched him carefully pick up his son as tears came to his eyes. That is when I knew that my life was complete.

Postpartum Check-up

I finally had my postpartum checkup today, after 3 reschedules. For the most part things look good. I have been having some stomach pain for the last couple of weeks so I am being sent to get an u/s done on my gallbladder. I guess it is extremely common for women to need to have their gallbladder removed after pregnancy. I never would have guessed.

Brett and I decided on the Mirena IUD for birth control. I was on the Depo shot before getting pregnant and did not do well on it AT ALL. I am not very good at remembering to take vitamins daily therefor I don't dare go on the pill so the IUD seemed to be the best option for us since I am breastfeeding and my options are limited.

OMG was that painful. I obviously don't have great pain tolerance (yeah I am a sissy). I am glad it is done though. The exciting part of the appointment was when I passed out. Ok it really wasn't exciting or fun. I am not sure what exactly happened but I do know that I am glad that Brett was able to go with me since he is the only thing that came between me and the hard floor. Leave it to me to make a simple appointment dramatic!

CHAZ

Chaz is doing wonderful! He is such a great baby, I couldn't ask for more. He is starting to get such a little personality. I am loving that he is staying awake and alert more during the day. I can't get enough of him, sometimes I find myself just staring at him. I am in love!

He is sleeping good for the most part. We usually give him his 9 o'clock bottle (formula, we are supplementing to get his weight up) and he sleeps till about 2am then we breastfeed and he is good till 6 or 7. We are planning to move him to his crib sometime in the near future. :( I am excited to have the 'romance' part of our room back but also sad that I won't be so close to my baby. I still find myself waking up and making sure he is still breathing.

Now for your viewing pleasure!

Our big boy is 1 month old today!

Happy one month birthday Chazo!!

We are still alive, I promise.

I have been a horrible blogger! :(

Just a little update....

Chaz been has home with mom, dad and Turbo for almost 3 weeks now! He is doing awesome!
He is eating like a champ and as of Tuesday he weighs 5lbs. Yay for our little chubber. I know I know, you are probably saying "5lbs? That isn't a chubber at all" but to us it is! haha

I think I have passed sleep deprived and am now onto zombie. He really isn't a horrible sleeper and usually only wakes up twice a night but it is the fact that I have a hard time going back to sleep once I lay him down again.

Turbo loooves his little brother. I do think that he is feeling a little neglected because he isn't getting our attention 24/7 anymore but he is adjusting well. He is so protective of him. The second that Chaz wakes up and cries Turbo runs to him, sits down and looks at me like "help him, now". It is sooo cute and I am glad he is doing so good with him. I will say that I was a bit worried at first because Turbo is such a big boy for just being a puppy but I am so proud of him. He is a great big brother!

All in all we are loving our little guy and can't get enough of him! Him and mom have a blast all day :) I really need to get better and snapping pictures of him because he is growing so fast and he always has picture perfect moments.

Prayers and positive thoughts for Chaz!

We found out earlier today that 3 of the babies in the NICU have come down with NEC (necrotizing enterocolitis). It is an infection of the intestines. One has been sent to primary childrens to have surgery it was so severe. The two others have been put on antibiotics and they seem to have caught it early.

The worst part is that the 3 that have it were in the same nursing unit as Chaz. Chaz is the only one that was in that unit that does not have it. All of the other babies (the ones that were not in that unit) have been moved to a whole different section of the NICU. Chaz has to stay in the area with the two that do have it just in case. They have ran tests and so far have found no evidence that links the 3 cases to each other which means it was most likely not something transfered from one baby to another, just a coincedence (sp?) that those 3 got it at the same time. But they are keeping Chaz in that area just incase they find something that does link the 3 cases because they don't want to expose the other "healthy" babies.

The part that upsets me the most is that they knew about this last night when we went to his evening feeding and they didn't tell us. We knew something was up because they were moving all of the babies and cleaning the whole area from top to bottom. We asked but we were told the babies were being moved due to staffing issues. The regular pedi (the one that has been there since Chaz was born was the on call pedi not the regular pedi) was there this morning and explained everything to us. I feel a bit better because he seems very sincere in keeping us updated and answering any questions we have, where as the other pedi was trying to hide things from us.

We had some tests ran on Chaz and so far everything seems fine. He has no signs of the infection and all his tests and x-rays came back clean. Please say a little prayer or keep him in your thoughts that he stay infection free and he can get the hell out of that joint soon. :) I have been an absolute mess today. Not only do I want my baby home where he belongs but I can't eat or sleep knowing that my babe could get this infection.

In other news he is eating WONDERFULLY! :) At his last 4 feedings he has eaten 35 to 40 (they upped his minimum to 35) all on his own and hasnt needed to be fed through the tube. I hope he keeps it up and is released soon.

Our little man is here! Surprise!

Chaz Christopher was born February 7, 2009 at 10:01AM, 5 weeks and 2 days early!

He is just a little guy at 4lbs 9oz and 17inches long.

Our little champ is still in the NICU but we are hoping not for much longer. He is maintaining his temp. perfectly and breathing on his own. The pedi would like to see him eat 30 cc's every 3 hours. He can usually take about 20 on his own and then tires out. Whatever is left of the 30 is then tube fed to him. As soon has he is able to take the full 30 on his own he should be good to come home.

Keep our little guy in your thoughts and prayers. We can't wait till he gets to come home with his mommy and daddy!

He truly is perfect in every way! Brett and I are both so in love it is unbelievable.

I will try to post a birth story soon and update with more info and pictures. Thanks for every ones support!

Take time to hug the ones you love.

I want to share a little story but I must warn that I may ramble a bit. :)

Saturday was just a regular day. I worked in the salon and went to hang out with my mom for a bit until Brett got off work. Brett had been in a bit of an "off" mood that day. I tried to just brush it off and not take it personal, everyone has their down days.

Well getting to the point... Brett and I ended up fighting over something stupid while I was still at my moms and he was on his way home. I didn't feel like going home and dealing with it right then, I figured I would stay a bit longer at my moms and give us both time to cool down. Brett gets home to find that he has no way in the house, he had forgot his garage door opener. He calls and asks me to come let him in. At this point neither one of us had done any sort of cooling off yet, haha. As I am driving home I get a text from Brett saying "Never mind I am just going to stay at my moms." This of course hits a nerve and I am sure I replied with something a bit snarky.

I figure that I will still just go home and go to bed early and hopefully everything will be better in the morning. As I am passing Bretts mothers house (it is on the way) I realized that his truck wasn't in the drive way at the same time that I noticed hundreds (or so it seemed) flashing lights at the busy intersection a few blocks down. I look at the time of the last text message I received and Brett should have been to his moms by now, with lots of time to spare and would have been coming through that very intersection. Of course I panic! As I approach the accident I can see that 2 cars are completely flipped over and another is up on the curb, the police have the entire intersection blocked off and I can't clearly make out what kind of cars they are, but one of the ones flipped over is def. blue..... our truck is BLUE!

I immediately dial Bretts number only for it to ring and ring and finally go to his voicemail. At this point I am a blubbering mess. I could not get home fast enough, as I am driving I am looking at every single car I pass hoping to God that I see Brett. No Brett and no call back!

Finally as I am turning up our street my phone rings and I have never been more excited to see "My Hero" (yes, that is his name in my phone haha) show up on that screen. I answer with a screaming, crying "where are you?!" As I pulled into our drive way I noticed that he was just pulling on to our street, he had gone to the store down the road. I jumped out of my car at the same time he jumped out of his truck, he knew something was wrong at this point but wasn't sure what. Can I just say that I have NEVER hugged Brett so tight in my life!!!

You may be asking "Rachel, what was the point of this story other than you and Brett fight like little children?" Well to this I say.... Don't take anything for granted! Fighting with the ones you love, especially over something stupid is a complete waste of time. You should be making the most of every second you have with that person because you never know when that person will be taken from you! I cannot imagine living with myself knowing that the last conversation I had with Brett didn't even end with an "I love you!"

Well that's it, story time is over. :) I told you I was going to ramble on haha.

PS. We have an appointment to see the babe tomorrow. Yay! I will be sure to update with pictures if we get any good ones. Also I have my GD test, blah. Wish me luck.

Stubborn little guy... just like his daddy!

We had our target u/s today and we were expecting to get a good look at our little buddy but he was not having it. From what we could see everything looks great. According to the Dr. Chaz is measuring a bit big and she wouldn't be surprised if I went a bit earlier than March 16th. She was very surprised at how low he was hanging out but isn't concerned because my cervix seems to be long and closed up. We were able to get an ok face shot with the 3D but not what I was expecting. He was doing everything in his power to prevent us from getting a good look at his cute face.

^If you look closely you can somewhat make out his little face. I think is going to have my little nose but for sure Bretts lips and cheeks. Too cute!

We didn't get a picture but it was so cute in the middle of the u/s he flexed his arm and gave us a great look at his BIG MUSCLES!

Belly pictures!

^ 22 weeks

^24 weeks

Late update. (Baby and Pumpkin carving)

I really am I horrible blogger. ::shrugs:: hey, at least I can admit that I have a problem.

When I left you last I had an appointment the following day. Well, that was well over a week ago haha but here is the update.

Everything looks GREAT. We got some more definate "boy" shots. Yay for our little man. Too bad that and his tush is the only thing he felt like showing off. We didn't get any good shots of him, just his junk... what a little perv. :P

He has been a bouncing bean ever since. Before I would think I felt him move every once in a while but wasn't sure. He has since made it very well known that he is in there and doesn't plan on going anywhere any time soon.

Brett has been getting a bit jealous at the fact that I can feel Chaz kick and he can't, but then again who wouldn't.... I giggle and grin every time I feel him. Brett just never seems to be around when Chaz wants to play "kick mommy".

Well that all changed last night! I had been home sick all day and Chaz refused to let me rest, he wanted to play ALL DAY! I knew that Bretts chance had come so as soon as we got snuggled into bed I told him "Just put your hand on my belly you HAVE to feel something." After about ten times of me going "did you feel that?" with no success Chaz gave us both a big wack! Brett looked at me with HUGE eyes and asked "was that it?" Just so that there was no confusion Chaz gave us one more thump! Brett was over the moon. He kept poking my belly trying to get Chaz to do it again, but it was a lost cause. He was done for the night!

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Here are some late pictures of Brett and I carving pumpkins for Halloween. Brett had to work late on Halloween so my mom came over and we passed out candy. I was a bit disappointed since we didn't get too many trick-or-treaters, the ones we did get were mostly obnoxious teenagers. :( All in all it was a pretty lame Halloween but thats ok next year should be a blast with Chaz!

Here is our attempt at a family picture! Turbo isn't too cooperative when it comes to taking photos but he was loving the fact that he got to be up on the counter. Aren't the pumpkins I painted for the babes soo cute!?

Belly picture time!

Here are some belly pics. I have gone from taking them every 4 weeks to every 2 because this boy is growing like crazy! I love it.

^ 18 weeks. Don't mind the creepy look on my face. I was mid-sentence when my mom snapped the picture.

Here I am at 20 weeks. You may not be able to tell but there is a big difference. If I get brave I may do a bare belly shot soon. Then you can REALLY tell the difference.

Tomorrow is our next appointment. I can't wait to see our little guy! :) Wish us luck.

Today is our Sweetbabys due date.

I love my son with everything that I have. I couldn't imagine life without him growing inside of me right now. I know that if it wasn't for the loss of our Sweetbaby that THIS baby wouldn't be growing inside of me but I still woke up in tears today. As I laid in Bretts arms crying I thought to myself "how can I be crying when I should be happy that our son is nice and safe in my belly" and just now I came across the answer.... because Sweetbaby was MY baby. Because I loved that baby, because I had big plans for that baby and that baby was taken from me!

It is so hard to think how different life would be if I had never lost Sweetbaby. Instead of sitting here writing in my blog I could be out trying every tactic in the book in getting labor started, I could be screaming with labor pains ... hell I could even be holding my Sweetbaby, smothering him/her in kisses. I have accepted that I am not doing any of those thing but it still hurts.

I am so thankful for my wonderful husband, my loving family (especially my AMAZING mom) and all of my great friends (even you nesties). Without all of their support I would not be as strong as I am. I couldn't make it through a single day without knowing you are all rooting for me.

I want my Sweetbaby in Heaven to know that:

I think about you everyday!
I will NEVER forget you.
I thank you for the short months of pure joy that you gave me.
I will make you proud in raising your brother Chaz.
We will be together again in Heaven one day.
I apologize if there was ever a second that you suffered while you were with me.
That I do not blame you or myself for your loss.
You will forever be missed.
Most of all .... Your mommy loves you and always will. As well as your daddy and the rest of your family.

I know my Sweetbaby is in Heaven watching over me and his/her family. I know that he/she wants us to be happy. I know that Sweetbaby told God to send Chaz to me (there is no other explanation as to how my due date is the day before our Sweetbaby went to heaven) and that is what gets me through every day.

I love you Sweetbaby!

Denver and our Anniversary!

When Brett and I got home Friday evening I told him I had an early anniversary gift for him and handed him a home made card I made with the tickets inside.

At first he seemed really confused and just stared at them forever then looked up and at me and said "umm, what are these babe?" I went on to tell him that we were going to Denver for the weekend to see his Bucs play the Broncos. I think he was in shock for a bit and then came the excitement.

This was our first road trip together and I must say it wasn't too bad. We hooked up the navigation system and off we went. It was about a 7 hour drive with all the stops we made, one being a stop at Taco Time to get his dad 2 dozen meat burritos. Yup, that's right... I guess there isn't a Taco Time in Denver and his dad loves the meat burritos from there so we stopped in Green River and picked up 2 dozen per his request. :)

Once we got into town we took his dad his burritos, obviously and joined him, his wife and her daughter for dinner at a hole in the wall steak place that actually ended up being pretty good, I was impressed. Then it was off to bed since GAME DAY was the following day.

When we woke up Brett insisted I go buy a red shirt since I forgot my Bucs t-shirt (yes, I know a Dallas fan owning a Bucs shirt..crazy isn't it). Once we got to the the stadium it was unreal. It truly is an experience of a lifetime. The energy was INSANE. We tailgated for awhile and then made our way through the crowds to the field.

Here are some pictures of Brett and I and his Dad outside Invescofield.

The second we stepped into the stadium Brett was in some sort of trance. For the first 15 minutes of being in our seat he just sat, stared and would throw in a "wow" every once in a while. I let him sit and enjoy his excitement while I melted, it was too damn hot for this pregnant lady! I eventually said screw the red shirt and sat in my white tank with my shoes off and jeans rolled up to my knees... hawt I know!

Sadly, Bretts Bucs lost 13-16 :( he seems to think that means we will need to make another trip to see them win some time soon. To me this means we should just go see the Cowboys since I know they wouldn't disappoint me! :)

That evening we met up with my little brother, his girlfriend Micaela and my nephew Cruz. I haven't seen my brother in over a year and this was the first time meeting Cruz. It was so great to see my little brat. Cruz was too cute to belong to my brother ;) he was such a blast. I didn't even want to eat dinner I just wanted to play with him all night. I am so glad I finally got to meet him and I plan on being in his life alot more than I have been, as well as my brother.

Here are some pictures of the happy family.

Isn't he such a cutie?

The next day we spent a few more hours in Denver. Went to our favorite Chai/Bagel place out there, walked around the mall and headed out. The drive was alot harder back because we left later and had to drive in the dark. Just because it was hard sure in heck doesn't mean it was boring. Have you ever heard two adults sing nursery rhymes... not to children but themselves? Well you would have had a hoot in the car with us, we sang every single one as well as played "I spy" for a good hour or two. It felt good to just goof off and be with eachother. That honestly was the best car ride of my life.

The next day Tuesday October 7th was our 1 year anniversary. Yay for us! We exchanged gifts. I got him a new pen for work with his name ingraved in it as well as a awesome business card holder. I got the most amazing bracelet ever. Here is the stock photo of it. There is two of my favorite pictures of Brett and I in the picture slots as well as our most recent u/s picture and an empty slot to put a picture of Chaz when he arrives. The stones in my bracelet are a diamond and an aquamarine (Bretts and Chazs birthstones) It is amazing! We then went to a family fun center near by and played some mini golf and arcade games. That night we went to Olive Garden and ate way too much food and went home and wrote each other letters about the last year. All in all it was a great anniversary and I couldn't imagine spending it with anyone else. I can't wait until our 2 year!

It's a BOY!

I am a little late on this but Thursday October 2nd Brett and I found out we will be having a wonderful baby boy! Chaz Christopher is measuring right on time and looks great. At first he was being a bit shy and the Dr. thought he was a she but as soon as he heard that he opened his legs right up as if to say "no, no I am not a girl. LOOK!"

We are over the moon to have our very own little running back! Daddy doesn't refer to him as Chaz he is "my little man" instead, which I love. :) It makes it so real to know that I am growing my son inside of me rather than just an "it".

We have BIG plans for our little boy and can't wait till we get to meet him.

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Brett and I just celebrated our 1 year anniverary yesterday. I can't believe it has been a whole year already. I suprised him with a trip to Denver to see his Bucs play the Broncos. It was so much fun and I will be sure to update with more info and pictures tomorrow! :)

Motherly Instinct.

These two words have been in my head for the last three days...not going away no matter what.

A week before the appointment that we heard the horrible news that our Sweetbaby had gone to heaven I remember calling my mom in tears that I knew something was wrong with our baby. I hadn't woke up in the middle of the night to pee in 4 days, I felt great, I got this sudden burst of energy and I felt everything but pregnant. My mother, being a mother told me everything was fine and it was just my emotions. I would see my baby in a week and everything would be great.

I tried to push the thought out of my mind but it was always there in the back. I cried every night for that whole week. I had no other indication that something was wrong other than feeling great.... but I knew it. Everyone I talked to reassured me that it was nerves and everything would be fine. I even called my Dr. office and the nurse told me that I was nearly out of my 1st tri and that was most likely the reason behind me feeling so great.

I remember reading on one of the message boards a girl worrying because she was symptomless and felt great. So many women gave her a hard time and told her she should be glad she feels better and not complain that she had nothing to complain about. Told her this was going to be a long pregnancy for her and everyone around her, yada yada. I look back now and I wish I would of stood up for that girl. I was feeling the same thing but didn't have the balls to admit in fear of looking like an idiot in these "strangers" eyes.

I remember sitting in the Dr. office waiting to get called back. I had a horrible cold, I swear I used every tissue in that office lol. I did not allow myself to get excited to see this baby because I still knew deep down something was wrong. I kept telling Brett and my mom that I was preparing myself for bad news. YOU CAN NEVER EVER PREPARE FOR NEWS LIKE THAT!!!

I got called back, I stepped on the scale, I peed in a cup...all the norm. I undressed and layed on the u/s table. Kathy (my Dr.) came in and started up the u/s machine. I remember I refuse to look at the u/s screen until I heard that heartbeat. I stared up to the corner of the room. I felt Kathy move the u/s wand around, going hmm, well and then it came..... I felt her hand rest on mine and the words came soooo slow "Honey, it doesn't look good." I yelled "I knew it!" We all cried, Kathy excused her self and I layed there in my mom and Bretts arms bawling. I knew this was going to happen but I never thought it would hurt the way it did.

Kathy came back in to the room to discuss the next steps with me. Of course she asked what I meant when I said "I knew it". I explained to her how I had been feeling for the last week and her words were "Motherly instinct, mom really does know best."

Those words have been ringing in the back of my head for the last two days. Part of me wants to think it is my nerves getting to me, being that this has been the longest I have gone with seeing the babe. But the other part of me has a constant worry that something is wrong again. I don't know what it is but I pray to God that I am wrong. I laid in bed talking to God the other night, I asked him that if something was wrong with the baby then to give me a sign. Don't let it come down to having no visual signs of a loss only to see a motionless screen. I begged him that if it had to be a loss to let me know now. I have yet to have any signs so 1)God, knows I will do my job as a mother and carry this baby full term or 2) God isn't listening to me.

Please say a little prayer that this babe is ok and his/her momma is just a crazy worry wort. Please pray that I have no motherly instinct what so ever and that I am wrong about this feeling. Please pray on Thursday that my babe is growing strong.

10 and 14 week belly pics!

I am a total blog slacker but here are some belly pictures! Yay.

^10 weeks

^14 weeks

I am finally starting to round out a bit rather than just looking like I have had one too many donuts! :)

I promise to update soon with a bit more info of everything going on!

::sigh of relief::

Our 12w3d week appointment was today and we have ten little finger, ten little toes and a nice strong heartbeat. Yay!

I promised Brett and mostly myself that after this appointment I would stop being such a worry wart and enjoy this pregnancy. I have yet to fully embrace this pregnancy and this sweet joy growing inside of me but today put alot of worries I had to rest.

The appointment:

Today was my first sono taken from the outside of my belly rather than internally. We didn't get a great view and could barely hear/see the heartbeat. Kathy (my wonderful Dr.) said that there was no way she was letting me leave with even a bit of doubt so we decided to do an internal. Sure enough there was a strong heartbeat of 161 bpm ::sigh of relief:: I must say we have a wiggly one... as well as stubborn (like his/her daddy) this baby didn't want us to see it for anything. We got some GREAT shots though.

The Dr. tried to guess the sex but she said it was a bit to early, I figured so. We will be finding out at our next appointment on October 2nd though, that is if the babe is being cooperative. Kathy did get a shot of what would be a great "money shot" if the sex was noticable. Brett has been studying the pic since we left and keeps saying "I think I see two testicles" haha..... wishful thinking at it's best.

Thank you for everyones support up until this point! I really need the encouraging word and vibes. :) Yay for Little B growing away.