"Hello" to my new beginning.

Although I will never be "over" my sweet baby lost at 11 weeks, I have finally realized that life must go on. I must accept that what happened happened for a reason (a reason that I may never know) and that it has made me stronger as a person and the bond with my husband so much stronger.

Before yesterday if you would have asked me about my feelings of trying to conceive again, you would see that I was hopeful but extremely doubtful. After a D&C at 11w1d I thought to myself "Okay it is what it is, I will jump right back on the trying to conceive bandwagon and make this happen". I went to my follow up appointment with so much excitement because I knew that after this all I needed was one menstrual cycle before I had the okay from my Dr. to start trying again. Well lets just say I left that appointment feeling everything but excitement. The Dr. was concerned because I still had a very good amount of tissue remaining :( I was given a 24hour prescription to take every six hours, I was also told that I would have major cramping and bleeding. Oh lucky freaking me!

Fast forward 3 days, a Friday I had left work early to begin taking the prescription. Gulp!! Down goes the first pill. Three hours go by and well...... nothing! Is this a good sign? bad sign? I decide to be patient and give it time. Well the 3 more hours go by and I am on to my second pill but still NOTHING! Are you starting to see a pattern? Well lets just say 24 hours and 4 pills later. No cramping and no bleeding! My mind goes crazy....

"Is my body broken"
"Did she give me the wrong meds"
"I am I going to die"
"How funny would it be if she accidentally gave me viagra" <---- I was trying to lighten my self conscience mood :) You can only imagine how my next appointment went.... I had no bleeding so I was already pretty sure I hadn't lost any tissue, of course the Dr. confirmed this and suggested that I get another D&C to prevent infection and get the ball rolling. I wanted to scream "You guys are professionals, when you dig inside someones uterus you need to make sure you do it right the first time!" Of course being me I kept my mouth shut and put on a cheesy smile just nodding my head. After speaking with another Dr. my Dr. decided that it would probably be best to allow my body to try and have period on its own first and then check to see if possibly the tissue passed on its own. Oh thank the lord!!! I honestly never thought that my period would come! I heard stories of women that didn't get their period till over 60 days after their D&C. I am sorry but I do not think I have the strength for that! My hat goes off to you girls. Well I must say for once in a long time I loved my body! Monday May 5th I had what appeared to be my period!!! Of course I doubted myself and was convinced it was just midcycle spotting and my evil body fooling with me. I called the Dr. she said that if it is steady flow for more than 3 days it is considered a period. Well ladies and gentlemen say hello to the 4th day! My husband and I for once in a great while feel so hopeful and relieved! I never thought I would accept my period with open arms and a smile on my face! So this is the story of how I came to the realization that I cannot control what god has in store for me and that I should accept it and learn from it. I am now crossing my fingers that my next appointment goes well and I can try for that little bundle of joy my husband and I dream about. (My shout out to sweetpea7628 for inspiring me to blog :) )