I love my son with everything that I have. I couldn't imagine life without him growing inside of me right now. I know that if it wasn't for the loss of our Sweetbaby that THIS baby wouldn't be growing inside of me but I still woke up in tears today. As I laid in Bretts arms crying I thought to myself "how can I be crying when I should be happy that our son is nice and safe in my belly" and just now I came across the answer.... because Sweetbaby was MY baby. Because I loved that baby, because I had big plans for that baby and that baby was taken from me!
It is so hard to think how different life would be if I had never lost Sweetbaby. Instead of sitting here writing in my blog I could be out trying every tactic in the book in getting labor started, I could be screaming with labor pains ... hell I could even be holding my Sweetbaby, smothering him/her in kisses. I have accepted that I am not doing any of those thing but it still hurts.
I am so thankful for my wonderful husband, my loving family (especially my AMAZING mom) and all of my great friends (even you nesties). Without all of their support I would not be as strong as I am. I couldn't make it through a single day without knowing you are all rooting for me.
I want my Sweetbaby in Heaven to know that:
I think about you everyday!
I will NEVER forget you.
I thank you for the short months of pure joy that you gave me.
I will make you proud in raising your brother Chaz.
We will be together again in Heaven one day.
I apologize if there was ever a second that you suffered while you were with me.
That I do not blame you or myself for your loss.
You will forever be missed.
Most of all .... Your mommy loves you and always will. As well as your daddy and the rest of your family.
I know my Sweetbaby is in Heaven watching over me and his/her family. I know that he/she wants us to be happy. I know that Sweetbaby told God to send Chaz to me (there is no other explanation as to how my due date is the day before our Sweetbaby went to heaven) and that is what gets me through every day.
I love you Sweetbaby!
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
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4 comments:
Rachi I am so sorry. *hugs*
I can't even pretend that I understand how this feels, but I am sorry that you have to go through it.
As Sweetbaby's granny, I too miss him/her every day and pray to God to take great care of our sweetbaby, which I know that he is. I am so greatful that God has sent Chaz to us through Sweetbaby since he/she was just to perfect to live with us on this physical planet, for this I will be forever grateful. To my beautiful Rachel and Brett, I love you with all my heart and promise to be the best granny to Chaz, to teach him, love him, hug and kiss him and always let him know thankful I am that he has brought so much love to me, and our family as well as sweetbaby who is in my heart forever. I LOVE YOU ALL!!!! Mom
{{Hugs}}
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